Waiting for meds to kick in ... I was in massive pain

Recent injury tests wedding vows
By TAMMY MALGESINI
East Oregonian
Over the years I've put our wedding vows to the test. Most recently I focused on "in sickness and in health." In mid-June I broke my humerus, but I wasn't laughing.

When I found myself writhing on the floor in pain, it became apparent my husband John and I wouldn't be spending nearly two weeks in Moab tearing up the trails aboard our ATV. This wasn't at all part of our summer plans. I say "ours" because it definitely impacted my husband.

While I convalesced with a broken shoulder, John sprang to action providing such services as nurse, chauffeur, cook, waiter, hair stylist and cabana boy. And I gotta say, he makes some killer pecan pancakes.

During the six weeks I was off work, I suffered from severe bouts of cabin fever, wore a trail from our bed to my daybed and watched more dumb movies than I can count.

However, the worst was yet to come. Physical therapy. Those two words have been known to make grown men cry.

If you look closely in the center film, you can see the bone wedge.

The thing is, physical therapy isn't all about big fancy therapeutic equipment. I mean, who knew a broomstick, belt and pillowcase could cause so much pain?

Seriously, the first day at Eastern Oregon Physical Therapy they had me work on external rotation when they handed me a "wand" and directed me on how to do the stretches. I looked at the "wand" and asked, is this really specialized physical therapy equipment because it looks like broomstick? Also propped in the "wand" corner is a piece of pipe and a wooden closet dowel - evidently they come in different sizes and weights depending on how far along in treatment you are.

Gravity ... the bruising dropped down my arm, even though the break was in my shoulder.

For internal rotation, they presented me with a "strap." It actually looks like an ordinary tie-down for a motorcycle or bike. Because I don't have a large wingspan, while doing exercises at home I can actually use one of the flexible cloth belts that came free with a pair of shorts. I have deemed this the "handcuff exercise."

EOPT sent a pulley home with me. Oh goody.

You know, when the cop tells you to put your hands behind your back (not that I have personal experience with that - I've seen it on TV).

And then there's the table slide. Honestly, I'm not sure what the purpose behind this exercise is, other than cleaning off the therapy tables. I slip my hand into a folded pillow case and move back and forth on the surface. Periodically they have me move down the table and use a disinfectant wipe (okay, I made that last part up).

Although I never made vows with Eastern Oregon Physical Therapy, I'm evidently in for the long haul ... for better or for worse.

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Tammy Malgesini is the EO community editor. Her column, Inside my shoes, includes general musings about life. You can reach her at tmalgesini@eastoregonian.com or 541-564-4539.

Dog to mom: brrrr, it's cold

12/17/2009 Dog to mom: brrrr, it's cold By TAMMY MALGESINI East Oregonian When it's cold enough to freeze my liquid laundry detergent, then I say it's way too cold. OK, well, it didn't exactly freeze, but it gelled up to the point it wouldn't come out of the spout when I pushed the button. I opened the cap and tilted the Costco-sized container - peering up inside, the blue conglomerated, would-be cleaning agent wasn't gonna budge from the bright orange jug. By the way, why is it laundry detergent always comes in brightly-colored containers? Is this some sort of subliminal marketing message that my clothes can be as bright as a box of Crayola Crayons? But I digress - the point is, it's been cold. In fact it's been downright frighteningly freezing to our nearly 4-month-old German shepherd. Lucifer approaches each new weather trend with trepidation. The first time it rained he peered from beneath the porch and retreated to the sliding glass door when a drop hit him smack in the eye. When I responded with laughter, he puffed out his little puppy chest and marched into the yard. When Jack Frost nipped the air, you would have thought it was personified as Jack Nicholson in "The Shining." Lucifer bravely stepped to the edge of the back porch, took one step onto the frost-covered grass and bolted back for the door. So, when it snowed over the weekend, I wondered how he responded. As I lay snuggled in bed, I soon found out as I could hear the gleeful sounds of Lucifer and Jeter playing in the backyard. John later told me when Lucifer first went outside, his eyes darted back and forth - looking at the white, cottony blanket in our backyard. As soon as Jeter romped into the winter wonderland, Lucifer joyfully joined him. Call me sick if you want, but you know many of you do the same thing - the funniest reaction to the weather, which really isn't a reaction at all, but merely some law of physics and gravity or whatever. When everything was coated with a sheet of ice from the freezing rain, Lucifer's legs splayed every which way when he tried to walk. But the clincher was when he somehow got his footing enough to make his daring escape from wintry nightmare - after dashing several steps, he hit the sleet-covered sidewalk and slid head first, crashing into the door. He stood up, shook off the excess moisture and bounded through the door with all the confidence of a young German shepherd, wearing a look on his face that said, "I meant to do that." --- Tammy Malgesini is the EO community editor. Her column, Inside my shoes, appears twice a month. You can reach her at tmalgesini@eastoregonian.com or 541-564-4539.

I'm just not quite right

10/1/2008

Inside My Shoes: I'm just not quite right
Humor really is the best medicine
By TAMMY MALGESINI
The Hermiston Herald

As a journalist, not all the stories are fun and fluff. I've been face-to-face with gang bangers - angry because I was doing a story on a shooting. I've talked to families who have lost a soldier at war. I've gone to houses engulfed in flames, not knowing if the people got out. I've been at the scene of accidents where people are one shallow breath away from the afterlife and I've sat in memorial services - trying to detach my emotions and refrain from focusing on why this person was taken way too early by cancer or drowning.

I have found over the years - both as a journalist and in previous careers, including as a drug and alcohol therapist, residential provider for adults with developmental disabilities and a counselor for at-risk adolescent girls - that I use humor as a way to deal with the stress of human situations.

I'm not normal. There I said it. For those of you who know me, that's not some big revelation. For those who are getting to know me, heed the warning. Although in my defense, I do put the skates on when needed.

Several years ago I was visiting with a group of women. One lady was sharing about her current medical situation. She said, "I don't know if it's terminal ... we won't know until after the autopsy."

I bit my tongue, but my head was exploding ... I wanted to say, "Well, if they're doing an autopsy, it's pretty much a done deal."

In that situation, I knew it would be more sensitive to keep the thoughts in my head.

Several years ago after reading "Sick Jokes, Healthy Workers" in Psychology Today, I felt comfort in knowing that my twisted sense of humor served to save my sanity.

I had told my boss at the time, Charlie Carnes, who was then head of the Umatilla County's Alcohol and Drug Program, about what studies showed about people with dark humor like mine.

"The sicker the wit, the better," the article said.

Charlie responded, "You must be the healthiest of all of us then."

I'll never forget that and I wear it as a badge of honor.

So when a recent cover story in Psychology Today was titled, "Typically Twisted" I had to quickly turn the pages to find out if I'm still healthy. A psychologist at South Florida University confirmed I'm still right on track.

"Having a laugh in the face of death or extreme hardship can certainly have a place in healthy coping," the psychologist was quoted as saying.

So, although my sense of humor may seem to be a little on the dark side - it serves me well. Reading such articles confirms that my twisted - and sometimes morbid - sense of humor is what helps me maintain focus and sanity when faced with human tragedy.
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Tammy Malgesini maintains her sick sense of humor at The Hermiston Herald. Readers can contact her by calling (541) 564-4539 or via e-mail, tmalgesini@hermistonherald.com.

The beat goes on in Murry's absence

5/15/2007

The beat goes on in Murry's absence
inside my shoes

By TAMMY MALGESINI
The East Oregonian

When EO Community Editor Terry Murry called me a couple of weeks ago and said I was going to "be her" this week, since she's on vacation, my heart skipped a beat.

Although we share a similar sense of humor and probably even wear the same size, her shoes will be hard to fill. However, she assured me things would be fine and she had some stories "in the tank."

Murry, along with Editor Steve Brown, Deputy Managing Editor Dave Sager and Senior Reporter Kathy Aney have helped guide me in honing my journalistic skills since starting with the EO just over a year ago.

Although writing has always been a part of my work, there's a world of difference between writing a drug and alcohol assessment and writing a captivating news story.

Last year Steve told me I needed to get out of the "Dragnet" mentality of Sgt. Joe Friday of "just the facts Ma'am," and add a little "Dukes of Hazzard" flair to some of my articles.

So, enjoy the ride this week as I take the driver's seat in bringing you the community news.

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I actively look for opportunities to contribute to EO's Sound bites - extracting little snippets of conversations that humanizes even the most stoic professionals and public officials.

I've gotten to know many city and county officials on a personal level, which may come back to haunt me. Morrow County Public Works Director Burke O'Brien has been compiling his own Sound bites, focused on things I've said.

Although Morrow County Judge Terry Tallman recently introduced me at County Court "as our normal person," O'Brien has quotes that may very well dispute that.

---Tammy Malgesini is a general assignment and community reporter in the EO's Hermiston Bureau.