Elephants provide support for women in herd

Simple gift became a meaningful symbol and a precious reminder of a friend.

By Tammy Malgesini

Staff Writer

Published on April 5, 2016 12:01PM

I don’t drink coffee, but I’m part of an informal coffee klatch that meets periodically to socialize and offer support to one another.

Known as “The Herd,” people might notice most of the women in our group have an affinity for elephants — sporting elephant tattoos, owning elephant jewelry or possessing elephant art or stuffed animals. The name came about when some friends and I learned about the behavior of female elephants in the wild.

As described by the World Wildlife Fund, female elephants are part of a complex social structure. While adult male elephants live mostly in isolation, the females share in the rearing and protection of the youngest or most vulnerable members of the herd. They take special care in knowing each member’s whereabouts when the herd is traveling or approaching danger.

We grabbed onto that and over the years it has grown. It’s hard to even say how many belong to The Herd. But, I know if I called one of them, they’d show up — and probably with a few more in tow.

Shopping for gifts is pretty easy with others in The Herd — whenever a special occasion comes up, an elephant is always an appropriate present. Such was the case during a Christmas gathering with four friends back in 2010.

I found four ceramic marble elephant statues at T.J. Maxx. The one I gave Judy Hayes was purple, which turned out to be quite appropriate — about 18 months later, she was diagnosed with cancer. Purple is the color of hope for Relay for Life.

That was the first elephant Judy had received. It, and the “Elephant Story,” as she called it, became a source of strength for her as she battled cancer.

Right before starting chemotherapy, Judy got an elephant tattoo with a little red heart. A number of her family members followed suit — joining her herd.

“You will always be the loved one who taught me about the strength of the herd. I will always love you for that,” she sent in a text several years ago. “The herd continues to surround me & I am very blessed.”

During the last year of her life, Judy sent two cards with similar thanks about introducing her to the “Elephant Story.” She shared what it meant to her and how it spread to former co-workers at Two Rivers Correctional Institution, churches and prayer chains, as her friends and extended family shared the story across the country.

My eyes filled with tears this past weekend as several members of The Herd met for coffee at Starbucks. As part of her final will and testament, Judy directed that the purple elephant be returned to me.

A simple gift — costing maybe $15 — is now priceless because of what it did for my friend while she battled cancer. Rest in peace Judy Hayes.

Tammy Malgesini is the community editor. Her column, Inside my Shoes, includes general musings about life. Contact her at tmalgesini@eastoregonian.com or 541-564-4539.