'Sign, sign everywhere a sign'

Herds of elk grazed in the Dean Creek Elk Viewing Area off Highway 38 near Reedsport.Tammy Malgesini/The Hermiston Herald

11/26/2008

Inside My Shoes' Sign, sign everywhere a sign'
By TAMMY MALGESINI
The Hermiston Herald

I think too much - really!

I think about things that aren't important, but they occupy my mind. I want answers to things that don't really have answers. And because I seem to be in my car a lot, I think about the signs along the road.

As I drove home from Coos Bay after covering the Umatilla-Gold Beach playoff game, I traveled through the Dean Creek Elk Viewing Area, just east of Reedsport on Highway 38. Because my parents live in Coos Bay, I've driven this route many times over the years, and each time I have a couple of thoughts. First, how do the elk know to tarry in the "safe zone?" And secondly, it has to leave hunters salivating.

I can just imagine a young elk listening closely to instructions from its mother and father - just as I listened to words of wisdom from my parents. However, in the case of this highly-sought-after animal, it's a matter of life and death whether they choose to hang out in the viewing area or mosey on to higher ground where ultimately they'll end up as a trophy on some hunter's wall.

Another sign that causes deep thought-provoking intrigue is one that says "Fog Zone" on the Fremont Bridge spanning the Willamette River in Portland. It seems a terrible waste of tax dollars. Because, pretty much if it's a bright, sunny day - who cares if it's a fog zone.

When I lived in Newberg, I drove over the bridge on my way to work in north Portland. I can tell you from personal experience, when it was foggy I knew it and I couldn't even see the sign.

Then there's the "Slippery when Wet" traffic signs. You've seen them - the car with the swerving lines. The only problem with this sign is it's not representative of what happens if you actually hydroplane or hit black ice. The sign makes it look like the car swerves, but then ends up back on the road in the direction it was originally traveling.

A more realistic sign would be to have the lines swerve and the car ending up in a ditch, facing the other direction, crashed into another car or smashed into a snow bank. Honestly, I think I'd heed the warning more if the sign suggested I might get really messed up if I didn't slow down and drive according to the conditions.

And finally, am I the only one who wants to know the names of the two figures in the school crossing pedestrian signs? Wonder no more - I named them: Pedestri-Anne and Pedestri-Andy.

The Five Man Electrical Band summed up my thoughts with its song "Signs."

"Sign, sign. Everywhere a sign. Blockin' out the scenery. Breakin' my mind. Do this. Don't do that. Can't you read the sign?"
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Tammy Malgesini is a reporter for The Hermiston Herald. Readers may call her at (541) 564-4539 or e-mail tmalgesini@hermistonherald.com.